alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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