bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
