I wish I could teleport
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
