I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
