there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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