I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
