So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
