just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So vagazzling was a success
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
