I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
