ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
