I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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