last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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