currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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