she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
