Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
