I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
third nipple confirmed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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