You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
