I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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