I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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