My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Randomize
