i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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