Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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