What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
