Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
