she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
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