yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
