3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
