You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
