i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
the liver wants what the liver wants
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
