I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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