Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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