when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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