Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I got inside last night via doggy door
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
