why didn't you poke me back
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
