is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
