I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
