If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
