so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
