Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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