You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
