i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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