i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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