i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
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