toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
love makes seman taste better
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
