Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
