At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
