So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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