I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
