she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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