she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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