i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
