So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
