I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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