i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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