Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Randomize
