Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
